“What’s the biggest difference to your life after you got married?”

An acquaintance posed me this question during my friend’s wedding.

“No difference.” I replied with a smile. That acquaintance was puzzled. He was expecting more.

I explained, “No difference as in I am still who I am after marriage. Marriage has not required me to become a changed person. I am accepted by my Lao Gong totally – (照单全收) a complete package. My irrationality, tempers and unreasonableness resurfaces at times; just like before. It is just that now, whatever I do, whatever I experience, I have Lao Gong to share it with, be it good times or bad times, and I have grown to be a more self-assured person as every step I take, I know that I have someone with me, for me.”

He smiled. Think he understand what I want to express there & then.

Marriage - you have to experience it yourself. Others can say so much about theirs, but nothing can be compared to going through yours on your own. You are your best judge. Do not be afraid about committing to marriage, there is bread & butter issue to tackle in marriage of course, however, love will keep the marriage.

I was often posed this question by people who know me and people who just get to know me. The reason should be this: - compared to a lot of folks around me, I got married at a more tender age. So naturally they will ask why. Why I get married so early? Why only less than a year of courtship I got hitched? How I know he is the one for me?

It is a step of faith. I believe we can always wait and can even chose to be more proactive such as constantly trying to seek someone better, seeking that perfect someone. Nothing in this world stays the same, the only constant is change. It is my choice, a risk that I made. I never regretted this choice. (Oops, sometimes when we quarrel I do ask myself why I get married and subject myself to more happiness and more heartaches. However when everything is over I’m glad we understand each other better through the incident and we resolved our differences as we have a common goal – keeping our marriage alive.)

Get to know my Lao Gong in Nov 2001. Courted for less than a year and we decided to ROM in Nov 2002. Chinese wedding held in June 2003. It has been 3 year plus but somehow I felt that it was just yesterday that we both just get to know each other. When you like someone, you just wish that you know that person much earlier as time is not enough. We are both nearing thirties, we only have about forty more years to spend with each other, and life is just too short.

To get back on track, actually I found it a little awkward talking to that acquaintance at first as I recollected almost instanteously when I saw him again after so many years; that he was my good friend’s ex. He can’t recall I was his ex’s pal from high school and all three of us were in the same JC when he was dating her. They have gone their separate ways after ‘A’ levels, before my pal proceed to abroad for further studies.

Now I gathered he is attached and my pal whom I still keep in touch with, is getting married next year. Told him about this and I can see that he still remembers my pal with fondness even though they did not stay in touch after their split. Lao Gong told me I have given that acquaintance the closure that he needs in order to move on. I hope so.

And from our conversation, he shared about his desire to go on a back packing trip with his partner though his partner is not exactly keen at this stage. I could sense his disappointment when he added that he will realize this in his dream. I offered him the opinion from his partner point of view; females want their honeymoon to be romantic and hassle free, he can bring her to where she wants for their honeymoon and the next will be where he wants – India. I’m sure she will be happy twice!

He is just an acquaintance but I still wish him happiness in his relationship.
I strongly believe if every one of us is brought up with love, treated with respected and love by others, there would not be so much unkindness in the world.

Still remember I have an ex-colleague who was both envy and jealous that my Lao Gong fetches me from work to home everyday without fail. She told me she complained to her hubby that he did not do the same for her and her hubby commented matter-of-factly that my Lao Gong and I were simply still in the honeymoon phrase of our relationship - that is why he is so good to me. A little sour grape element when I listened to her recollection. Went home and told my Lao Gong and guess his reply.

“What your colleague said is true indeed. However ours is a honeymoon that never ends. Tell your colleague this.” I was wooed by his wits. He has a way with words. Or am I too easily contented?